I did a similar thing during my college years. High school still haunted me-- the kids who'd (consciously or not) ostracized me preyed on my mind. They showed up in my anxiety dreams. I was still mad at them.
And then I decided not to be. I'm sure they never thought about me after high school-- there was no reason I should be carrying them around with a bucket of hurt forever. So, in my car on the way to class or work, I'd think about each one, individually, and pray for them. I made sure to wish them well wherever their lives were taking them now, hope that they had good lives, and forgive them for whatever slights, real or imagined, I was still mad at them for. It wasn't instant like yours, but after a couple of weeks, I found that my well-wishes were genuine, and I was no longer angry. And the queen bee of the group has not invaded my dreams in many years :) And I still, really do, hope their lives are going well.
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timeasmymeasure
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Date: 2021-08-29 01:49 am (UTC)And then I decided not to be. I'm sure they never thought about me after high school-- there was no reason I should be carrying them around with a bucket of hurt forever. So, in my car on the way to class or work, I'd think about each one, individually, and pray for them. I made sure to wish them well wherever their lives were taking them now, hope that they had good lives, and forgive them for whatever slights, real or imagined, I was still mad at them for. It wasn't instant like yours, but after a couple of weeks, I found that my well-wishes were genuine, and I was no longer angry. And the queen bee of the group has not invaded my dreams in many years :) And I still, really do, hope their lives are going well.