Daily Reflection 3.10.21

 Though the Enemy be stronger in numbers, we may prevent him from fighting. Scheme so as to discover his plans and the likelihood of their success. Rouse him, and learn the principle of his activity or inactivity. Force him to reveal himself, so as to find out his vulnerable spots. /

Carefully compare the opposing army with your own, so that you may know where strength is superabundant and where it is deficient. 

Today, Sun Tzu's talking about something we've heard quite a bit of-- the need for knowledge. We need to know our enemy, and we need to compare his strength with our own. As always, our primary battle is with the Enemy Within, that is, the sum total of our own passions, bad habits, thought-chains and addictions that keep us from accomplishing our goals. This is the Enemy that we need to know, and his the strengths to understand. 

So far, so familiar; we've said the same thing many times since beginning this series. Today I'd like to talk a bit about how I use these ideas to understand and overcome some of my own internal enemies.

Careful examination of my life reveals the following:

I really like being out of power. 

That doesn't sound very good, does it? 

It's true, though. Something about my mind is very comfortable when it's part of a small and despised minority, struggling against an overwhelming power. When I was a child, my favorite movie was Star Wars (the original one; I was born in 1983) and my favorite book was Lord of the Rings. In Star Wars, of course, a tiny band of rebels struggles against the all-powerful Galactic Empire; in The Lord of the Rings, a tiny band of heroes struggles against the might of the Dark Lord Sauron. Did my fascination with these stories cause my mental disposition, or is it a mere reflection of it? Who knows. Either way, the result is the same. My favorite place to be is in the heroic band of rebels struggling against the empire, and if I should happen to find myself on the imperial side, I will move Heaven and Earth to get back to the rebellion.

I've watched myself repeat this pattern over and over again. I grew up in a rural, very conservative area that is basically run by the Catholic Church. And so by the time I was 18, I was a radical leftist and a pagan. Eventually I moved to California, where everyone I knew was a Democrat and a Buddhist or New Ager or "spiritual but not religious" essential oil yogini. At that point, right on schedule, my political views began to shift hard toward Conservatism, and Catholicism became far more appealing.

These days I live in a more or less red area, but it's easy to maintain my conservative views because of the deranged Woke Left hegemony currently running the country. Once the backlash against Wokesterism propels a new generation of Far Right leaders to power in politics, academia and entertainment-- I expect this to happen by 2030 at the latest-- I guarantee I'll start sounding more and more like the Boomer '60s radicals I currently abhor. 

I know this about myself, and I don't regard it as an especially good quality. It does seem to be a fairly fixed condition, though.

So what do I do about it?

I have a number of different approaches. I was going to write about three of them, but my daughter interrupted me as I began the third paragraph after this one and I honestly have no idea what I was going to tell you; maybe it will come back tomorrow. In the meantime, here are two:

First, when it comes to my beliefs and views, I try to figure out which ones are actually mine, and which ones are reactions against the enthusiasms of the day. The way to do this is to figure out what endures from one of my personal incarnations to the next. A surprising number do. For example, on a religious level, the changing of the seasons is very meaningful to me; there is something about the awakening of life in the Springtime, its climax in Summer, maturity in Autumn and death in the Winter that moves me like very little else does. Religiously, then, I need a cycle of seasonal celebrations. Modern paganism, the Druid Revival, and traditional Roman Catholicism can all meet that need. I love the natural world and need to interact with it spiritually, and it doesn't particularly matter whether the spirit of a forest is called its god or its guardian angel On a personal level, I like making as much of my own stuff at home as I can. I bake bread, brew beer, make medicine, grow herbs, and do most of my cooking from scratch. This is true of me whether I'm justifying it by way of anarchism (Liberate the means of production!) or Conservatism (Burkean "little platoons" and subsidiarity!); therefore it needs no justification. Yesterday I brewed an herbal beer inspired by Stephen Buhner's Sacred and Herbal Healing Beer; it uses molasses as its sugar and is flavored with fir needles from our Christmas tree. It will be excellent regardless of its justification. 

Second, I try to give myself outlets that aren't harmful. At one time, I expressed my love for being in a secret rebel band by living an anarchist lifestyle in an actual secret rebel band. The result was that I didn't have any money, I was frequently in danger, and I was angry all the time. It turns out, though, that I can meet a lot of the same needs that I met through anarchism by simply taking in fictional stories about rebels, bandits, and people facing overwhelming odds. Reading Mario Puzzo's The Godfather puts one in much the same mental frame as spending hours on radical message boards. Even better, I can put some effort into figuring out what I want to be, and use the opposition of some large body to push me in that direction. I am attempting to do this with my spiritual life above all else.

Think about your own recurring life patterns. How can you use them to push yourself in the direction you want to go, rather than being pushed by them in directions you don't want to go?